You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
