Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
