I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
