she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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