I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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