Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
