don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
