he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
