he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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