You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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