I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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