How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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