he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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