it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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