I love black thongs
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm always down for nudity.
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