Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
