How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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