i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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