you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
