Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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