those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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