so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
