when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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