i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
