Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
