TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
