You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
