I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
