We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
