im six kinds of drunk right now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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