And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
