I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
