I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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