I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
