people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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