no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
