Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
