Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
