Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
