I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
