Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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