she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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