Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
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