I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
