Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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