I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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