Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
