remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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