thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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