On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
