my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
