Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(812): View more from Indiana

he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.

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(520): View more from Arizona

im six kinds of drunk right now

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.

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(217): View more from Illinois

Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?

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(678): View more from Georgia

It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence

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(440): View more from Ohio

Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.

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