hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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