Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
this will be a night to untag.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
