i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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