Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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