Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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