Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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