I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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